General Anaesthesia - A memory

I mull over most of my life’s experiences before pinning it down on paper. It was the same with what I experienced some ten days back. My hands were itching to write all about it but my mind was telling me to allow it to germinate a bit more. Finally, today I realised that if I don’t jot it down, it is going to escape. So, here it is…

I had already spoken about that small surgery I had around a week back. I had to have general anaesthesia for it. Ooh! What an experience! For both my caesareans, I had been given spinal anaesthesia. Though I passed out and lay senseless during both of those surgeries, it was nothing compared to what I experienced this time.

The last that I remember was a mask placed over my mouth and nose. I could breathe in the noxious fumes but I could barely breathe out anything. The man was suffocating me. Man, I had still not published a novel. I was too young to die! I vaguely remember throwing out my hand to push away the Anaesthesian but whether I succeeded or not has been decided to be kept as a secret by the medical fraternity.

The next I remember was floating. I felt so light – free from worries, free from word counts, free from NaNoWriMo, free from relationships, free from dreams, free from hopes, free from power, free from responsibility. I felt like a newly born child who has nothing to give or lose. And I was in a magical world. Everything was virgin white and circular. I was floating in a circle in the driveway around a building. The building was nothing like what I had seen on earth or even read in a book, even a sci-fi one. The entire structure stood like a smooth circular metallic white cone with no windows or doors visible. From where I floated I couldn’t see the topmost tip of the building. So, I am not entirely sure if the building ended or just scraped across the sky into eternity. I could see no one around me but I neither felt lonely nor craved company.

I was waiting at a particular spot on that structure for someone – someone important, special! I was excited, happy and felt blessed. (now when I think back, at this point, I wonder – I don’t remember the word ‘God’ being mentioned but it felt as if I had an appointment with Him) A particular moment occurred and I was permitted to call Him. I touched the building. Yes, the entire building was a hi-tech touch screen and a rhombus portion of the building disappeared and I met Him. Now, at this point the POV (Point of View) changed. I was still there but I was floating above me. The first me stood transfixed in that I beheld. The second me (the me, that is typing this out right now) started floating away looking down at the first me. Someone was calling me and the first me decided not to come back. The second me didn’t want to come back but the caller was persistent. They were not ready to give up.

Slowly, I heard my name being called out. I didn’t want to come back. Strangely, this was the first conscious thought I had. If I open my eyes now, I’ll never be able to return there. I’ll never feel that peace and calm ever again. I opened my eyes. I could see nothing but some hazy forms before my eyes. I closed my eyes again in hope of getting back there. It was lost. It was gone.

“What is your name?” someone asked me.

“Archana,” I said. Having interned in a psychiatric clinic, I have seen many patients being administered anaesthesia. I always thought all these were regular questions used to check if the patient has gained consciousness. Now, I knew these were questions to test if they had really returned back from that wonderland – maybe I could have sent someone else in my place! I would love to see if I can do that the next time they drug me.

“Put out your tongue.” I dutifully did it. I tried opening my eyes again but it was too much of an effort. I couldn’t move any part of my body but my mind felt so active. I thought about all that I had seen. I tried describing it to my husband. Btw, the tongue was the only organ that moved! Everyone urged me to sleep but the next couple of hours, sleep deluded me. I was too excited by all I had seen.

Finally, after a few hours,I had settled down. I went into a deep sleep. The experience became a memory I’ll always treasure.

Day 6 of NaNoWriMo: Can I?

Day 1: Excellent - 2560 words done

Day 2: Diwali – I just couldn’t get a single word in.

Day 3: Attended the Chennai write-in – My word count came up to some 4100 words

Day 4: Sudden medical emergency – I had to have a minor surgery done. I actually took my laptop to the hospital. I expected to be in a daze for around 2 hours after the surgery. However, the doctor said that I had to be in the hospital for at least 5 hours. So, I dreamt of myself blissfully tapping away at my laptop for the remaining 3 hours on a comfy hospital bed. (No kids to disturb me, wow!)

Little did I imagine how terrible general anaesthesia can be! I couldn’t see anything for about 5 hours. After which I slowly started recognizing the familiar faces around me.

Once I asked for my laptop and my husband offered to type while I dictate to him. I refused. The story was still an infant and I refused to share him with anyone.

The second time, I woke up from my deep sleep and told my husband that I dreamt of seeing my book on the stands when we both entered the Crossword book store.

The third time, I struggled to sit up but started throwing up. Finally, I gave up the fight and went back to sleep. I slept off the entire day expecting the next day to be a better one.

Day 5: The day was no better. I was in a deep hangover and couldn’t keep my head up. It felt like a sack load of stones had been fixed on top of my head. The head-ache was awful. I was back to bed. The word count stood just where it was.

Day 6: Today. The day has dawned bright and cheerful. My head is back in its place free of the sack of stones and I am back at my laptop. I should have completed 10000 words by now. I have done only 4000. I have another 6000 words to go.

But I am not disheartened. I am not giving up now. If there are folks who have written the entire 50000 words in a day, why can’t I? I will give it my best shot. After all, isn’t November the month of hope?

Day 1 of Nanowrimo: Valuable lesson learnt

The fact that you can write anywhere, anytime is a lesson that NaNoWriMo has taught me the first day itself.

I am this pantser who waits and waits for this elusive muse to show up. It was of no avail. A pressure to write, to perform, to conform to a word count was the push that I desperately needed.

My NaNoWriMo trial run began yesterday itself. I had to get around 2000 words done everyday, for a full month. So, I needed to write whenever and wherever I got time.

Yesterday, we went to catch up the latest Kollywood blockbuster at Abirami Theatre at Chennai. And, I was able to write a bit there. It was the first day show of Super-Star Ajith and if I can write among the cheers and whistles, I can write anywhere. Today, right now, I am penning these words as I sit at a hair salon, as experts are trying to fix up my hair. (Now, that’s another elusive thing!)

Lesson learnt: When you want to write, you can write. The time and place does not need to be perfect.

And thanks to NaNoWriMo for drilling that into my head.

Why November might be the best time to write?

Yesterday, I blah-blahed about all the obstacles in writing in November. Today, I realise that is gibberish. November must actually be the best time to write. I was at my desk at around 5.30 today morning scratching the pen on paper. Now, the time is nearing 7.30 and I have already completed a thousand words. My kids are still asleep, the day is just starting and I am already half-way across the mark.

Had this been March or July, this might not have been possible. I will be up at 6, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids ready for school, packing their tiffin boxes and doing the innumerable little things that make a home out of a house. So, may be, this is the best time to write...

1) I have no household responsibilities.

2) I have other people to distract the kids and be distracted by the kids.

3) I don't have school duties.

4) I am vacationing and have holiday immunity from my duties as a Management Committee Member. (A role I am playing in my residential apartment - additional duties... Phew!)

Isn't it funny how we can view the same thing as an obstacle or as a blessing? I guess it is how we perceive things that matter, more than the things themselves!

New Challenge

November 2013... A month I am looking forward to with longing and trepidation. I have taken up the NaNoWriMo Challenge this year!

I have this book inside me and the gestation period of this book has been longer than that of any known mammal on earth. It is finally time to give birth and that is just what I am going to do.

The challenge is big - 50000 words in 30 days!
The reward is bigger - a ready first draft!
But the obstacle is biggest - I am at my parent's place vacationing with my two playful boys!

I am not in the cosy writers corner of my house with a perennial supply of coffee. The boys have no school, classes or friends here. If I can actually pull this off, then I can pull off anything. This is the main reason why I want to do this. I want to prove to myself that I can write anywhere, anytime! Friends, wish me luck!

Jaipur Trip

Jaipur… It has been ages since a place has actually affected me so! The recent week-long trip we took to Jaipur was an eye-opener in more ways than one. I realized that ‘yes… I too needed a vacation!’ and that discovering a new place can freshen your mind and spirit.

A few days back, as I gazed out at the moon, my mind went back to the pet peacock at Bissau Palace that used to perch on the same branch of the same tree every night. The moon shone behind the peacock and it looked up at the sky in love and expectation. That sight was so eerily stirring that I just can’t seem to get it out of my head.



Next, it was the colours. The sarees at RTDC, the salwaars at Bapu Bazaar, the stone-studded bangles at Maniharon ka rasta – everything was an explosion of colours. The rainbow would pale in comparison. Retail therapy is the best in the world. Don’t shell out the psych-expert’s fees – just shop with it and all your troubles would melt away!



I am a foodie and I love to cook, at least the dishes that I enjoy gorging on! But, even I have never made or tasted a lassi like the one served up by the Lassiwallah at MI Road. All the cream in it was a sensual sinful indulgence. He does need to open a branch here, in Mumbai, as I don’t think I would be able to replicate his taste.



Another very very very important thing that I learnt from the trip is ‘though it looks easy and fun, travelling on an elephant is one of the scariest things that I have done in the recent years’ (Apart from the rock climbing and rappling bit!) I still at times shudder when reminded of those long ears caressing my calves… Eeeek!

Jaipur had something for everyone. Sanju loved the zoo and the animals, Aaru loved the music, dance and the puppet shows, I loved the culture, architecture and the people and Hubby was happily clicking photos of the various Jaipur buses! And to top it all, the kids had their beloved grandparents to share all their adventures. Sanju was happiest to bond with his favourite Chitthi and Chittappa. And, Jaipur rocks!






Lastly, Jaipur was inspirational. It has not only gotten me writing but has also taken me back to my easel after so many years. Thank God for that!

No maid... no writing...

My maid is not in town and my writing is really suffering for it.

It is not like I am washing dishes, swabbing floors or cleaning the clothes. However, just the act of managing some four different maids who enter at all odd hours is so tiring that I have absolutely no mood to write. It is like as if they have drunk away all my creative juices along with their enormous glasses of tea.

Just waiting for maid to come back. Now I realise her value and I promise to appreciate her better hereafteTill then, this weird form of writers block will continue, I guess! :-(