Promises! Promises! Promises! I told myself I would write everyday, come what may... But then it has just not happened. I have been off for more than 2 months and strangely, I am not even angry with myself.
I had my reasons. Entire december was spent n cleaning the house for guests and in entertaining them. And January has flown away... Apart from nursing the colds and coughs of every member of the family and starting a very reluctant six month old on solids, I don't have anything much to report for the entire first month of a brand new year. Strangely, I am not frustrated, irritated, upset, angry or feeling useless. I feel like a million bucks and January has been a month when I have finally grown up and come to terms with myself.
I have not even been online a single day the entire month and I don't care. Though I did read some great books, I haven't written a single word the entire month and I don't care. Now, I realise that it is not all this that defines who I really am... It is not my writing or my doing something 'useful' in life that would boost my self-worth. It is being who I am and enjoying who I am that matters.
If I want to write today, I will irrespective of whether it is from a cramped E5 keyboard from my mobile or whether it is past 12 in the night (like now!) The reason why I did not write this month was not because I did not have time, as I popularly tell everybody. You can always find time if you want to! I did not write because I am so much enjoying this second chance at mothering that God has thrown my way. I am drinking in every second of it carefully because deep in my heart I know I can and I will always write but I might never again get to see another toothless grin coz those tiny teeth are waiting to sprout out any minute now.
But, don't write me off...